points to ponder

Thanks to Cindy Baker of Bonham for allowing us to use some thoughts from one of her columns from a recent issue of the "Herald-Democrat," some of us have had many of these thoughts at one time or another:

                                  "I Hate When That Happens"

Walking by the same person with whom you just visited on the previous grocery aisle

Being screamed at in a foreign language

Watching a movie with your parents that shows full frontal nudity

Finding only a rusty AA battery, old packets of mild Taco Bell sauce, and a toll tag receipt, as you frantically search your glove compartment for the insurance card to give the impatient state trooper

When a guy hollers, “Much obliged!” and waves as his car pulls away, and you realize that you just gave him totally wrong directions

Trying to be sneaky by waiting and waiting . . . and then wiping your wet palms on the sofa after a messy sneeze

When your thigh rubs against a leather chair, emitting a loud, ripping noise, then, every time you rub your leg against it again, in an attempt to make the same noise to prove to the public that it wasn’t flatulence, it sounds nothing like the initial noise

When you pull the car door handle at the same time the driver pushes the unlock button, leaving you still locked out

When you’re giving your credit card number over the phone and the person says, “Uh-huh” after the first few numbers, so you say the next bunch and pause, but there’s silence---and the moment you begin saying the next number she says, “Uh-huh.”

Wondering if the guy who assembled your hamburger is the same guy who scribbled SHOVE IT! On the sign that reads, “EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS BEFORE RETURNING TO WORK”

Stumbling over something in front of strangers and trying to decide whether to (a) ignore your misstep and try to walk nonchalantly onward (b) look over your shoulder while making a slightly exaggerated look of annoyance at the thing that caused you to stumble, as if to imply, “They really out to fix that”

Biting your cheek on the swollen area where you’ve previously bitten it

When the waiter asks, “Is everything all right here?” right after you’ve taken a big bite of your sandwich, causing you to grunt your response

When you hold the ketchup bottle over your French fries and the first thing that comes out is red water

Remembering how people of your current age seemed so old when you were a child

When the car driving behind you has a ski rack attached to the top, making it look like a police car in your rearview mirror

Waiting for the pain to arrive in your toe the moment after you’ve stubbed it into the leg of a chair

People who emit the “heenh!” sound while trying to hold in a sneeze

Driving by a stranded car with someone sitting in it on the side of the highway, knowing that one day, sooner or later, that will be you

The vulnerability you feel while sitting on a public toilet

When the person with whom you’re eating aggressively wipes his mouth with a napkin, causing you to wonder if he’s hinting that you have a glob of something perched on your lip

Dropping a cell phone or a hairbrush into the toilet

Answering the door with chenille marks on your face

Opening your sleepy eyes to see your three children staring at you as if Moby Dick just washed up on shore

Jerking the silverware drawer out onto the floor when your pocket hangs on the drawer pull

Crushing your nose sideways on the glass door because you didn’t see the word “Pull”