points to ponder

These are actual phone conversations from customer's frustrated calls to various businesses; most of us probably feel like we have encountered some of these same people from time to time.

Customer:        'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'

Operator:         'Where did you get that number, sir?'

Customer:        'It's on the door of your business.'

Operator:         'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'

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Samsung Electronics

Caller:              'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator:         'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'

Caller:              'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'

Operator:         'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'

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RAC Motoring Services

Caller:              'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia?'

Operator:         'Does the policy name give you a clue?'

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Caller (inquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe):           'If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

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Directory Inquiries

Caller:              'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'

Operator:         'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'

Caller:              'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'

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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator:         'Woven? Are you sure?'

Caller:              'Yes... That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland ...'

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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:  'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

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Tech Support:              'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'

Customer:                    'OK.'

Tech Support:              'Did you get a pop-up menu?'

Customer:                    'No.'

Tech Support:              'OK; Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'

Customer:                    'No.'

Tech Support:              'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'

Customer:                    'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'

Tech Support:              OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'

Customer:                    ’Wow! How can you see my screen from there?’

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Caller:  'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'

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The conversation below has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department...

Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

This is an actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:         'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller:              'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

Operator:         'What sort of trouble??'

Caller:              'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator:         'Went away?'

Caller:              'They disappeared'

Operator:         'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller:              'Nothing.'

Operator:         'Nothing??'

Caller:              'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator:         'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

Caller:              'How do I tell?'

Operator:         ‘Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'

Caller:              'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator:         'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller:              'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type....’

Operator:         'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

Caller:              'What's a monitor?'

Operator:         'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'

Caller:              'I don't know.'

Operator:         'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller:              'Yes, I think so.'

Operator:         'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall...

Caller:              'Yes, it is.'

Operator:         'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '

Caller:              'No.'

Operator:         'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'

Caller:              'Okay, here it is.'

Operator:         'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'

Caller:              'I can't reach.'

Operator:         'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'

Caller:              'No.’

Operator:         ’Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'

Caller:              'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'

Operator:         'Dark?'

Caller:              'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'

Operator:         ‘Well turn on the office light then.'

Caller:              'I can't.'

Operator:         'No? Why not?'

Caller:              'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator:         'A power...A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?'

Caller:              'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’

Operator:         'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'

Caller:              'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator:         'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller:              'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'

Operator:         'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!' too stupid to own a computer!'